Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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