I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
