Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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