and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
