do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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