i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
When did angry sex become our thing?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
