i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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