If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
