dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
