I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
