Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize