Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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