real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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