I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
