You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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