totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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