fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
