okay pat passed out under dana's car
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Randomize
