Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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