is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
