96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize