He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
