That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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