i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
