The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
