i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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