I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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