it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
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