I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
