I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
