I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
