I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
