He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
