eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
