We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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