walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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