She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
