If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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