I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
