We're like a lot better than the average bears
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
