Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
