Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
