This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
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