He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
