Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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