Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
did i just pee glitter
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
