I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
