just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
