his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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