I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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