I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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