WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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