Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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