if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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