Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
