i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
