his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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