bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
