Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
