New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize