just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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