how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
