ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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