its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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