I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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