Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Found your dick twin last night
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
