I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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