i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
