long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
