The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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