Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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