trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
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