you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Randomize
