do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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