btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
