mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
