I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
