I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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