If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
