she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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