How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
