he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
