i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
