I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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