I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
