best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
