My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
