Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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