OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
