dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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