Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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