My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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