I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
