It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
