Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize