I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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