I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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