Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
