Barsexuality is the new black.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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