i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
