we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
