My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
