Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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