i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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