Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
