I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Shame - the story of my life.
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