look no pants
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
