I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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