I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
