I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
