Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
