My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
