Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
