i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
