Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
