Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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