So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
