Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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