first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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