Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
