I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
